I Apologize.

I apologize for my absence. I’ve been spending my precious few moments of spare time submitting my nonsense to higher traffic sites and publications. 

I love writing, but it would appear that I am not well suited to blog promoting, and again, lack of time is probably a factor. I’ve been going for almost a year and a half and I have accumulated a little over 300 followers. I look at other sites with 5000, or 10,000 followers and I realize I’m not so good at selling my blog. 

I am not abandoning my blog by any means. . . Just taking a look around in the world of writing.

Sorry to my cherished followers. I shall check back in a while!

300 Glorious Followers!

300 whole followers! Zada is the lucky number 300!

Originally there was going to be a large prize package for follower number 300, but our finance department shut that idea down quite quickly . . . So you will have to settle for a hearty cyber handshake and a thank you!

Thank you to all 300 fans of the ridiculous that have ventured to hit the “follow” button!

The Nerve of some Bloggers (blogging paranoia)

Phone lights up telling me I have a WordPress notification.

(Hopeful wonder)

A new follower! 

(Exuberance)

Blurmuth6650 . . . . What kind of name is that? Just doesn’t sound like someone who would follow a blog like mine. . . . But beggars can’t be choosers.

(Wonder)

So is Blurmuth one of those bloggers with 10,000 followers who is just looking to add to his ginormous follower army? Is this how he got his 10,000 followers? Follow en mass and collect the follow-backs? A purely self-serving following? 

(Annoyance)

Or is Blurmuth a new blogger hoping to scrounge a fourth follower? Too lazy to get out there and blog an earning of followers like the rest of us?

(Arrogance and disgust sprinkled with bits of ego)

I’ll bet Blurmuth didn’t even read a single post!

(Indignant anger)

Hmmmmm. . . The Speakings of Blurmuth . . . An ok blog title but nothing overly impressive. Looks like Blurmuth likes to post about politics and NASCAR. What would make Blurmuth follow a blog like mine? I see he has 347 followers. . . That’s more than me . . . . I’ll bet I deserve 347 followers more than Blurmuth does. I just know Blurmuth is up to some sort of blogging nefariousness.

(Dismissal of the following as not genuine)

I have better things to do than engage with a blogger named Blurmuth who only follows other blogs out of pure Narcissism.

I’ll not even dignify Blurmuth with  the response of a follow-back. I’m going blog surfing elsewhere.

(Changing of blogging gears)

I’ll just browse through Reader and find a more worthwhile blog . . . . Like this one right here . . . Looks like a “Mom Blog”. . . . Mom Blogs can’t resist my excellent family humor. . . . And Wow, this Mom Blogger has 13,900 followers! A mention or acknowledgement from this blog would catapult my blog into the blogosphere!

I’m sure this Mom blog has interesting posts. I’m sure I would really like it if I had time to read one of the posts . . . . But I have other pressing blogging business to attend to. I’ll come back later and confirm that I do in fact like this Mom Blog.

(Click of the mouse)

There! I followed. Time to blog on.

This following better produce some followers of my own. I’ll bet that Mom won’t even check out my blog. She’s probably one of those “I’m too good to respond to the kind gesture of a follow by following back”.

She’ll probably assume I just followed her to serve my own blogging promotion instead of the fact that maybe I actually like the things that she posts . . . . Which I will confirm when I return some day when I have more time and actually read one of the posts.

It’s people like this Mom . . . . And Blurmuth that give bloggers a bad name. . . . . Ohhhhhhhh a Dad Blog! Dad bloggers just love my writing style! Wow, he’s got 5400 followers. . . . 

(Click of the mouse)

Big clumsy Fingers

I have big clumsy fingers. They don’t always work well with phone apps.

With the WordPress app, I find myself accidentally hitting things that I wasn’t intending on hitting.

One such thing is the “follow” button that is all too close to the link that takes me to the blog I am trying to get to. I end up “unfollowing” by mistake. Then I have to decide if it will cause more damage to leave the blog unfollowed and hope the blogger doesn’t notice, or re-follow causing a notification to pop up and most certainly making the blog owner wonder what kind of shenanigans I am up to.

I end up liking a lot of my own posts as well. I would never do this intentionally . . . . It just seems vain. But it happens when my bullish fingers go wandering through the china shop of the WordPress app.

The Worpress app has a lag that causes me problems as well. I’ll hit “like” on a particular post, and it takes several seconds for the little star to change colors. I get impatient and hit the “like” again. The little star finally changes color but then immediately back to it’s original color because I hit the like button twice. I have repeated this scenario up to ten times . . . Sending ten notifications to a blogger that I liked their post. . . . . ten times.

Again, I’m sure they are wondering what sort of shenanigans I am up to.

I’m really not all that worried about how many people read my blog.

I checked my blog stats and set my phone on the coffee table. The stats weren’t all that important since I had started my blog for fun, and I am not all that worried about how many people read it.

I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars. Well, actually my wife was watching Dancing with the Stars, I just happened to be in the same room.

I check my blog stats again which is odd because I started my blog for fun, and I’m not all that worried about how many people read it. Nothing had changed in the two minutes since I had last checked my stats. I set the phone back on the coffee table.

My eyes were getting heavy and I was just about to fade into my Dancing with the Stars nap when my phone lit up with some sort of a notification. I couldn’t quite tell if it was a WordPress icon that was showing on the screen.

Instinctively I started to reach for the phone to see what the notification was, but then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for fun and I’m NOT all that worried about how many people read it. I can check it later. I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars.

My mind drifted. I thought about my blog post from yesterday, a post that I was particularly proud of. Who in the world wouldn’t want to follow a blog that offered posts such as the one I had created yesterday? And besides, I had included some new strategic tag words that were sure to attract a whole new demographic of reader.

It occurred to me that I was fretting over my blog again. . . . A blog that I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it.

“Stop it! Just stop it” I thought to myself.

“Stop what?” My wife asked.

Apparently I had also said it out loud.

“Are you obsessing about that blog again?” My wife added.

“NO! I started that blog for fun and I’m not all that worried about who reads it.”

Just then, the commercial with Jake from State Farm came on the television. I waited with baited breath for him to say “kakis” so I could laugh for the hundredth time and my wife could roll her eyes about me still laughing at a commercial I had seen a hundred times.

Right on cue, Jake said “kakis” and I started giggling.

“She sounds hideous”

I laughed even harder as I reached for my phone . . . . . But then stopped mid-reach. I remembered that I wasn’t checking my stats because I had started my blog for fun and I wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it.

I sat motionless . . . . My hand was partially outstretched towards the place where my phone sat on the coffee table. I hated the thought of obsessing over something, especially my blog which I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried how many people read it.

As I sat with my arm still partially outstretched, my phone lit up again. . . . Only this time, my slightly more-forward posture allowed me to see that indeed it was a WordPress notification.

My eyes widened.

That made one WordPress notification for sure, and the possibility existed that the first time my phone lit up might be another WordPress notification. I stared at my blog checker . . . I mean my phone. It smoldered with the prospect of blogging fame and fortune.

My hand moved ever so slightly closer to the coffee table. But then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for . . . . OH SCREW IT! I grabbed the phone. I had to know.

It might be a notification telling me that I have a new follower! Maybe two new followers!

Maybe it was a blog award notification!! Who knows, it could be a notification telling me that Ellen Degeneres had mentioned my blog on her show and i was in the midst of a new follower tidal wave!

MAYBE MY BLOG WAS JUST NOMINATED FOR THE NOBEL PRIZE!!!!!!!!

Frantically, I unlocked my screen. The little red circle told me that I had one new WordPress notification (sigh, I was hoping for two or more). I opened the WordPress app to find that someone had liked my comment that I had made made in response to their comment.

“Sigh. . . ”

“People liking my comment is a good thing,” I told myself . . . . Of course having Ellen Degeneres mention my blog on her show or winning the Nobel prize is much better . . . . .

Fortunately, I had started my blog for fun and was not all that worried about how many people read it. Otherwise, I might be constantly checking my blog stats and worrying about my blog.

 

If you enjoyed this story, there is a whole book full of them available to you at Amazon.com:

Single Family Asylum

I’m Not One of Those Bloggers.

I see it all the time. The owner of a blog or Facebook page that was actually worth reading will get published or will self publish, which is what I did with my book Single Family Asylum, and then suddenly their blog or page becomes one big advertisement for their book.

I (author of Single Family Asylum) am just not going to be that blogger. I think that I have already made it clear that my book, Single Family Asylum, is available on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and I’m going to leave it at that rather than continually shoving the fact that my book, Single Family Asylum, is on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and ready for you to purchase it (from Amazon)(Single Family Asylum).

To me, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum, this is nothing short of vanity. It is certainly not something I would write about in my Amazon book Single Family Asylum. And you (the potential purchaser of Single Family Asylum) would never catch me taking some cheesy selfie posing like an author (even though I actually am Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum) with reading glasses on my nose as an author prop, Single Family Asylum  and a computer in the background to suggest that I had just finished writing my book Single Family Asylum.

So fear not Single Family Asylum my faithful readers of the Single Family Asylum blog which is also now available in book form here: Single Family Asylum . I will never Single Family Asylum ever stoop Single Family Asylum  so low Single Family Asylum as to turn my blog Single Family Asylum into a shameless Single Family Asylum promotional site Single Family Asylum.

But just Single Family Asylum in case Single Family Asylum you missed Single Family Asylum my previous Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum posts announcing Single Family Asylum the availability of Single Family Asylum the book (Single Family Asylum ), my book Single Family Asylum >***Single Family Asylum***> can be purchased by you Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum  Single Family Asylum here Single Family Asylum on Single Family Asylum Amazon Single Family Asylum : Single Family Asylum.

Sincerely, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum

Spammers are pretty dumb.

I constantly get emails and comments from different websites and services that professs to be seeking blogs that have the following and influence that the Single Family Asylum commands.

I used to get excited about such correspondence, that is until I actually started reading them a little more attentively.

Some would say, “I can tell that your blog has a lot of good information that would be useful to parents and families.”

Really? I write about vomit and poop. I write about my inability to control my children. I write about my wife throwing a coffee mug at my head. 

You spammers are dumb. You would be a lot more effective if you actually read a post or two.

I guess spammers don’t bother me all that much. It’s not hard to delete emails and comments. The problem, however, is that if and when I actually get contacted by a legitimate organization, the chances that I recognize and respond are very small. 

Maybe I’ve already deleted that one offer that would have rocketed my blog to global blog dominance. 

The Overtime Season

It is now officially the overtime season in the world of tree trimmers. You may have noticed a slowing down in my posting. As a middle aged tree trimmer, it is hard to stay awake for very long after plunking my butt down on the couch after a long day of climbing trees. I sometimes wake up the next morning still sitting in the same spot where I sat down after returning home from work the night before. Sometimes, I even have the partially chewed remnants of the previous night’s dinner still in my mouth.

But rest assured, I am thinking about all of you out there in the blogosphere constantly. I even dream about you all. . . . . . We’ll ok, that might be a slight exaggeration, but never the less, I do miss having the time and energy to post my nonsense for the world to read. 

I will squeeze out a post whenever I can!

I’m really not worried about this Blog.

I checked my blog stats and set my phone on the coffee table. I had started my blog for fun, and I am not all that worried about how many people read it.

I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars. Well, actually my wife was watching Dancing with the Stars, I just happened to be in the same room.

I check my blog stats again which is odd because I started my blog for fun, and I’m not all that worried about how many people read it. 

Nothing had changed in the two minutes since I had last checked my stats. I set the phone back on the coffee table.

My eyes were getting heavy and I was just about to fade into my Dancing with the Stars nap when my phone lit up with some sort of a notification. I couldn’t quite tell if it was a WordPress icon that was showing on the screen.

Instinctively I started to reach for the phone to see what the notification was, but then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for fun and I’m NOT all that worried about how many people read it. I can check it later. I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars.

My mind drifted. I thought about my blog post from yesterday, a post that I was particularly proud of. Who in the world wouldn’t want to follow a blog that offered posts such as the one I had created yesterday? And besides, I had included some new strategic tag words that were sure to attract a whole new demographic of reader.

It occurred to me that I was fretting over my blog again. . . . A blog that I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it.

“Stop it! Just stop it” I thought to myself.

“Stop what?” My wife asked. 

Apparently I had also said it out loud.

“Are you obsessing about that blog again?” My wife added.

“NO! I started that blog for fun and I’m not all that worried about who reads it.”

Just then, the commercial with Jake from State Farm came on the television. I waited with baited breath for him to say “kakis” so I could laugh for the hundredth time and my wife could roll her eyes about me still laughing at a commercial I had seen a hundred times.

Right on cue, Jake said “kakis” and I started giggling.

“She sounds hideous”

I laughed even harder as I reached for my phone . . . . . But then stopped mid-reach. I remembered that I wasn’t checking my stats because I had started my blog for fun and I wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it. 

I sat motionless . . . . My hand was partially outstretched towards the place where my phone sat on the coffee table. I hated the thought of obsessing over something, especially my blog which I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried how many people read it.  

As I sat with my arm still partially outstretched, my phone lit up again. . . . Only this time, my slightly more-forward posture allowed me to see that indeed it was a WordPress notification.

My eyes widened.

That made one WordPress notification for sure, and the possibility existed that the first time my phone lit up might be another WordPress notification. I stared at my blog checker . . . I mean my phone. It smoldered with the prospect of blogging fame and fortune.

My hand moved ever so slightly closer to the coffee table. But then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for . . . . OH SCREW IT! I grabbed the phone. I had to know.

It might be a notification telling me that I have a new follower! Maybe two new followers! 

Maybe it was a blog award notification!! Who knows, it could be a notification telling me that Ellen Degeneres had mentioned my blog on her show and i was in the midst of a new follower tidal wave! 

MAYBE MY BLOG WAS JUST NOMINATED FOR THE NOBEL PRIZE!!!!!!!!

Frantically, I unlocked my screen. The little red circle told me that I had one new WordPress notification (sigh, I was hoping for two or more). I opened the WordPress app to find that someone had liked my comment that I had made made in response to their comment.

“Sigh. . . ”

“People liking my comment is a good thing,” I told myself . . . . Of course having Ellen Degeneres mention my blog on her show or winning the Nobel prize is much better . . . . . 

Fortunately, I had started my blog for fun and was not all that worried about how many people read it. Otherwise, I might be constantly checking my blog stats and worrying about my blog.

Flattapuss Blog Picks.

This is so embarrassing. I’m three blog award posts behind. I don’t even know where to start. My negligence may leave me with no choice but to abbreviate some of the award acceptance duties, but I will do my best.

The first was the Liebster Award nomination which came from Trudy at Rendezvous En New York. I am sorry Trudy for how long it has taken me to get to this post.

The second award, The Real Neat Blog Award came from Annie Emmy Evans from Under and Over, Around and Through.

And last but not least is a second Real Neat Blog Award from Ritu at But I Smile Any Way.

For the Liebster Award I am required to answer some questions:

1. Why did you choose your blog topic?

I guess because my family makes me laugh, and I like to take the ridiculous things that happen and make them even more ridiculous.

2. Give one tip you have learned that has helped you be a better blogger.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I don’t really know the answer to that. I’m still kind of winging it. I have gotten some helpful advice a few times from Raymond at Encouraging Life, for which I thank him.

3. Where else would you live if you had a choice?

I don’t know that either. I think during winter I would like to live in Florida or Arizona, but during summer, I am pretty happy here in Michigan.

4. How do you spend your time when you aren’t blogging?

There are endless things I like to do. I like drawing and cartooning. I also carve furniture out of large logs. I am an extremely social person, so I spend time with friends and family as much as I can.

5. What is your favorite television show?

Other than any documentary type show in Discovery or History channels, it would probably be The Middle . . . . Big surprise there, eh?

6. What would be your idea of an amazing weekend?

Wow, Its amazing how hard such simple questions are to answer. I think an amazing weekend would involve hanging out with my family and friends in a vacation type setting . . . maybe a beach or a cabin in the woods. . . . and a beer or two.

7. Do you have ant pets? Why or why not?

Yes, we have Cee Cee, the Persian cat, Lydia, the insane cat, and Pippi, a Greyhound rescue. I love them all, but they drive me crazy. I think they may not be replaced when the pass. My wife and I look forward to a house free of pet hair and litter boxes.

8. Introvert or extrovert?

Extrovert, although it may not be obvious to people right away. I’m just as content to shut up and listen as I am being the center of attention. But I have to be around people periodically or I go crazy.

9. What is your favorite movie?

Definitely Coen Brothers, probably The Big Lebowski.

10. Summarize your blog in one sentence.

Single Family Asylum is a celebration of all the ridiculousness that occurs in a family.

Ok, now on to the next set of questions from Annie:

1. 1.On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love June Cleaver?

I would have to give that a 2. I really don’t give poor June much thought.

2. Your mom just called. What do you do now?

Actually, my mom just discovered texting and it seems to be a novelty to her. She hasn’t actually called in quite a while.

3. Where in the world IS Carmen San Diego?

She is in Sydney, Australia with Waldo.

4. Coffee or Tea?

Coffee . . . Sooo Coffee.

5. Are you as cool as I am? If so, why have we not met yet?!

I don’t really consider myself as cool, so I guess no. My strength is in being easy going. And the next time you are in Southeast Michigan, we will meet for coffee . . . not tea, then we will have met.

6. Feet. Do they gross you out as much as they do me?

Yes, except for my own, but others people feet, ewwwww. I totally don’t understand the whole foot fetish thing.

7. A Prince song comes on the radio. Do you turn the station or turn it up and jam out?

That would depend on which Prince song and my current mood.

And now for Ritu’s questions:

1. Love or money?

Love, I’m quite used to living without money, life without love would be a wasted life.

2. Where would you ideally love to live?

Michigan summers and anywhere warm for winter.

3. Real book or electronic device like a Kindle?

This may come as a shock to people because I love to write, but I am not much of a reader at all. It’s not because I don’t want to be, I just have a brain that won’t let me stay on track for more than a page or two. But I think if I was more of a reader, it would be real book.

4. Who is your biggest inspiration?

Probably my dad. He taught me through his actions to respect and value every person. I got some of my humor from him.

5. Do you have a pet?

Two cats, and one Greyhound.

6. How important is family to you?

My family means everything to me. They keep me grounded, I can tend to get a little crazy when left to my own devices. They are what I live for.

7. What has been your best ever blogging day?

Probably my first like and follow . . . . “Hey! someone actually likes the crap I just wrote!”

Well, that takes care of the questions. Here is where I am going to drop the ball. I am just going to give my normal Flattapuss shout outs to some blogs. I haven’t the energy to figure out who to nominate for which, and come up with more questions. I apologize sincerely.

Now before I list the Flattapuss Blog picks for this week, I want to say that there are sooo many good blogs out there, and I have such a short attentions span and time to find all the good blogs. I have read some of your blogs and thought, “that will make a good Flattapuss pick,” and then forgotten completely the next day. I also tend to pick blogs that don’t quite seem to get the attention they disserve. If your blog has a bazillion followers or regularly gets a dozen or so likes per post, I tend to think you are doing pretty good without my endorsement, but that is not a hard and fast rule either.

So here are the Flattapuss Blog picks:

This blog, Shop Girl Anonymous is about wording and managing retail stores. This is not something that I would normally read. I am a tree trimmer and I hate shopping. But what I like about this blog is that Shop Girl actually makes a discussion on the world of retail, interesting. Anyone thinking about or currently working in retail should seriously check out this blog. If you are not seeking a career in retail, you might actually enjoy the posts anyway!

It is actually not easy to make me laugh, but this guy has done it. He has a strong following . . stronger than mine by a long shot, but I like his blog and Paul seems like someone I would like if I met him face to face. Anyhow check out The Captains Speech

Now in the interest of providing variety and not just always picking blogs that run along the same line as my own, I will venture into new and unfamiliar territory here. This next blog is . . . well, rant . . . sometimes rant extreme. I see ranting blogs around, so if a good uncensored opinionated slap in the face is what you’re after, Drakanewh
might be your blog.

Another blog from the makes me laugh category is The Ranting Monkey. Monkey’s A to Z challenge never fails to make me chuckle.

And finally, “Great” Thoughts. This no-frills blog is pretty much the day to day goings on of a normal family, but I love how Andrew will sneak bits of his humor into what would be an otherwise simple description of his day.

Give these blogs a gander and a follow!