The Art of the Selfie.

When you mention the word selfie, most people automatically think of a teenage girl sitting in her room, or in the bathroom mirror, taking a picture of themselves while making a face that looks like a duck. Or you might think of a teenage boy, bare chested, making pseudo-gang-rapper signs and trying to look tough. But it is not likely that the term selfie would conjure up images of a middle aged semi-bald, pot bellied male . . . . Unless you live in my house.

I discovered my love for the selfie almost immediately after learning of their existence from my teenage daughter, and I now consider it my medium . . . My art form. 

It’s not so much out of vanity that I choose to selfie, it’s more out of self-amusement . . . Or at least that is how I justify my being a middle aged selfie taker. I just love pulling off a great selfie.

Now believe it or not, selfie taking is a skill that, like many things, takes practice. There is a learning curve. The first step is learning how to properly operate your phone’ camera . . . So you don’t end up accidentally taking a selfie of yourself trying to figure out how to take a selfie:

One needs to consider things like . . . What’s in the background:

And . . . Is the cat as excited about being in a selfie as I am? (This selfie cost me a rather nasty scratch to the nose):

But once one has ironed out some of the typical beginner selfie taker difficulties, there is a whole world of selfie taking that opens up. 

You can selfie yourself at work (which is a little more interesting if you happen to be a tree trimmer . . . And currently in a tree):

Or you can take one at work while other people are working and you are just standing there taking a selfie:

You can selfie on the morning your favorite socks show up in the laundry basket:

You can selfie your special alone time reading classic literature:

You can selfie while fighting for space in front of the heat register:

You can hijack a selfie:

You can have your own selfie hijacked: 

As your selfie skills progress, you can start stepping up your game with the use of photo editing apps:

But no matter how much fun you have getting creative with your selfies, the best ones are still the ones you take that have meaning . . . Like one with two beautiful daughters . . . Even if they aren’t willing participants ūüôā


Get Your Hands off my Email.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV, when all of a sudden the front door burst open and a representative from Levi’s came running into our living room. Before I could react, he ripped my jeans from off of my body¬†and threw them into the garbage. Then, after a brief struggle, he¬†was able to force me into a newer version of the pants I had been wearing.¬†

“There you go” he said cheerfully as he opened the door to leave, “You’ll thank me later.”

I felt a bit violated not having a choice in the matter. Worse yet, I soon discovered that my pockets had been rearranged. Instead of two back pockets, I now had one big pocket on the left thigh. And my front pockets were now on the knees. The belt loops were gone because this new pair of jeans was supposed to be fitted better to my butt, eliminating the need for a belt according to the Levi’s guy.

 I was angry . . . . No, furious!

Actually, that never really happened, but it’s how I feel when Windows, or Facebook, or Itunes, or Gmail, or some other operating system or app decides that it is in my best interest to just yank away a version of their program that I am comfortable with, and replace it with one that they deem more beneficial.

I am not the most computer savvy person in the world, so these changes can be very traumatic. There is comfort in familiarity when it comes to my relationship with technology. It makes me livid, when you take away a system I am used to. That system was my security. It was my blanky . . . . .

Give me my old blue jeans back!!!


The State of the Blog Address.

I am almost two whole months into this world of blogging, and I am really happy with the way things seem to be going. 

I had previously tried putting my ridiculous stories on a Facebook page (one other than the one that mirrors my blog) and I just didn’t like the feel of it. People seemed more snarky and critical. People had a tendency to take me too seriously. For some reason, the blogging community seems to be more civil.

I am also thrilled that there are some of you out there with minds that slant in the same basic direction as mine, and I am grateful for all of you who read my absurdities. 

Thank you!

I feel bad that I can’t seem to find the time to visit your blogs as much as I would like. I almost can’t keep up with responding to comments on my own posts.

As a 46 year old who climbs trees for a living, I often spend my evenings in a fetal position on the couch whimpering like a beaten puppy. Or some nights, I fall asleep before I can even finish dinner, resulting in my waking up the next morning with a half eaten piece of pizza still hanging out of my mouth.

I need to slow down a bit on posting so that I can spend more of my limited time surfing other blogs. But being an impulsive person, when I have an idea, I just can’t wait to get it typed and posted. 

I’m sure as time goes on, I will find ways to work blogging into my schedule more efficiently.

Thank you all for making this a truly enjoyable experience so far!

Respecting personal space. Particularly MY personal space.

I think it might be time to review some personal space guidelines. Some of the people I run into just don’t seem to have a solid grasp on the concept.

1. If I don’t know you, don’t hug me. If I do know you, please limit the hugging to once a month.
2. If we are talking, do not punctuate your statements by touching or slugging me on the arm.
3. Meeting you by chance with little possibility of ever having contact with you again in the future does not meet my requirements of a Facebook friend.
4. If I am the only one sitting in a restaurant, do not sit in the booth next to mine, facing me, unless you plan on starting up a conversation.
5, If you walk into the restroom and I am the only person currently using one of the stalls, do not pick the stall right next to mine. If you do end up picking the stall next to me, do not strike up a conversation.