Sometimes I wish that other things could hear and understand my frustration.
I tell the dog to stop shedding and slobbering all over the place. She wags her tail as if I just told her that Star Trek is on . . . . That is to say that she doesn’t understand.
I tell toilet to stop clogging because it grosses me out to plunge a poopy toilet, but it doesn’t listen. It clogs even more.
I tell the toaster to stop burning my toast, but it doesn’t understand.
I tell the ants to stop coming into my house uninvited, but they don’t understand.
I tell my daughters to clean up after themselves, but they don’t understandsta- . . . . Wait a minute. . . . . Yes they do. It just seems like they don’t. Sometimes I forget that they actually understand English.
Meet Gerald. One can not tell my story of the last few years without including Gerald.
Last spring, a wave of tree frogs appeared in our yard and on our house and my shed. One particular frog soon found that he had access to an unlimited supply of bugs if he sat on top of our porch light at night.
I soon became accustomed to the little fellow’s presence on his dinner light and named him Gerald. I was always careful to make sure that his bug light was turned on.
Throughout the course of the year, I realized that Gerald might be benefiting a little too much from the bug buffet. He began to pack on some chub.
I had been posting about Gerald on Facebook, and as his girth increased, so did concern over his health (can frogs have too high cholesterol?). There was pleading from Facebook friends to “TURN OFF THE LIGHT FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!”
I considered flinging him out into the yard once a day to force him into jogging his way back to his light top perch, but I was too much of a softy and never followed through.
Anyhow, this spring I was very excited when this guy showed up on top of the light.
But after doing an in depth analysis of the markings on his back, I realized it wasn’t Gerald.
I can’t help but think that he is a relative of Gerald’s, and that Gerald might be responsible for pointing him in the direction of the bug gluttony light. Thus his name is Gerald II.
I’ve come to love my tree frogs and hope they return every year. . . . . And as Tom Bodette would say in the motel commercials, “I’ll leave the light on for you.”