I am still writing stuff.

I am still writing from time to time, but I thought it greedy of me to hoard my sure-to-be-classic-literature all to myself . . . . actually I’m tickled to death that my nonsense has been chosen for posting by a big blog.

I am fortunate enough to have one of my stories accepted by Sweatpants and Coffee.

Personal Essays | Letting Out the Novel Within

This is a story about finally writing the novel we all have inside.

 

 

I’m Not One of Those Bloggers.

I see it all the time. The owner of a blog or Facebook page that was actually worth reading will get published or will self publish, which is what I did with my book Single Family Asylum, and then suddenly their blog or page becomes one big advertisement for their book.

I (author of Single Family Asylum) am just not going to be that blogger. I think that I have already made it clear that my book, Single Family Asylum, is available on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and I’m going to leave it at that rather than continually shoving the fact that my book, Single Family Asylum, is on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and ready for you to purchase it (from Amazon)(Single Family Asylum).

To me, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum, this is nothing short of vanity. It is certainly not something I would write about in my Amazon book Single Family Asylum. And you (the potential purchaser of Single Family Asylum) would never catch me taking some cheesy selfie posing like an author (even though I actually am Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum) with reading glasses on my nose as an author prop, Single Family Asylum  and a computer in the background to suggest that I had just finished writing my book Single Family Asylum.

So fear not Single Family Asylum my faithful readers of the Single Family Asylum blog which is also now available in book form here: Single Family Asylum . I will never Single Family Asylum ever stoop Single Family Asylum  so low Single Family Asylum as to turn my blog Single Family Asylum into a shameless Single Family Asylum promotional site Single Family Asylum.

But just Single Family Asylum in case Single Family Asylum you missed Single Family Asylum my previous Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum posts announcing Single Family Asylum the availability of Single Family Asylum the book (Single Family Asylum ), my book Single Family Asylum >***Single Family Asylum***> can be purchased by you Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum  Single Family Asylum here Single Family Asylum on Single Family Asylum Amazon Single Family Asylum : Single Family Asylum.

Sincerely, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum

Single Family Asylum Paperback World Premiere!

Thousands of anxious readers lined up outside book stores all across the globe in order to be one of the first to get their hands on the long awaited book release of Single Family Asylum. Police in several cities tried desperately to calm the frenzied book buyers by spraying them down with fire hoses and passing out Starbucks gift cards, but the crowds were relentless in their fervor for the new best-seller. . .

Well, maybe it didn’t happen quite like . . . . Ok, that didn’t happen at all. But don’t let that dissuade you from checking out this collection of ridiculous, funny, family-oriented stories for yourself. You are even free to start rioting in front of a book store if you are so inclined. If you would simply like to check out my new paper back online, here is the magical Amazon book link.

Single Family Asylum

Single Family Asylum is a collection of short, humorous stories about the imperfections of family members and family life that have appeared right here on this blog.

Buy the book! Buy 10 books! Tell your friends! Tell them you won’t ever talk to them again unless they buy the book.

This is Big. . .Really Big.

I have taken the best of my ridiculous short stories from this blog and two previously published books and thrown them into a greatest hits of sorts. The result is probably one of the greatest books for sitting in the magazine rack next to the toilet that was ever created.

The Kindle version is available on Amazon as we speak. . . or as you read. The paperback will be available in a week or so.

Magical Book Link

For those of you who have followed this blog from the beginning, most of these stories have already appeared on this blog. . . . so I will forgive you (eventually) if you don’t purchase it. The rest of you will have to buy the book to read all of the stories that have been featured on this fine blog.

“Well why would I buy the book when I can just go into your archives and read the stories for free?” you might ask.

I will tell you why. Because most of the stories in the book that once appeared on this blog were later removed to be held for ransom. Buy the book or you will never see those stories again. It’s marketing at it’s finest.

Many sincere thanks my dozen or so dedicated readers!

 

A Horrific Tale About Writer’s Block.

The urge to write something epic was over-powering. I needed to create a piece that was unique, but still containing all the time tested components of a classic. I could feel the creative genius building inside me like a pile of leaves that had been ignited with too much gasoline.

A novel! I’d write a novel that would put Melville’s silly fish story to shame. . . . . No, that would take too long and I know from experience, that these bursts of creative energy only last a few hours, or until something catches my eye on TV.

Maybe a poem . . . no, that’s an even more ridiculous notion. I haven’t the slightest idea how to meter, and I think I might be rhyme deaf.

So, I decided that I should stop wasting time deciding what form of literature my writing would be and just start writing. I could always decide later if it was a novel, or poem, or short story. I would just let the spirit take me wherever it wanted.

I sat down at the computer with my cup of coffee. I made myself comfortable, and prepared to unleash the epic-ness . . . I cracked my knuckles in preparation for the flurry of typing . . . here we go.

But nothing was coming out.

The keyboard keys were not clacking.

I thought for sure that this much inspiration was surely the precursor to an earth-shaking subject matter. It hadn’t even crossed my mind that I really had no ideas on deck. The desire to begin my masterpiece was unbearable, but there was nothing there!

I began to look around the room as if the dirty cereal bowl on the end table, or the floral print box of Kleenexes would suddenly jar a topic loose, but again, there was nothing.

I stood up and scratched my head. I looked out the window at the overgrown lawn, but all that came to mind was that the lawn mower blades needed sharpening. For a second, I pondered a novel about dull lawn mower blades, but it seemed to lack the potential for being the awesomeness that I was determined to create.

Picking up a women’s magazine from the coffee table, I began to leaf through it. I would write a story about . . . dish soap? No, that’s silly . . . how about “Sizzling Summer Fashion Ideas?” No, even the word fashion itself made me yawn . . . tampons? Good Lord, NO!

I simply had nothing to write about, and it was beginning to make me angry. I was getting angry at my brain. Stupid brain!

After another two hours of seeking ideas from magazines, two glasses of wine, watching the dog sleep, and both sides of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” album, I finally gave in to the fact that I had no idea what to write about, and all the ambition in the world was simply not going to change that fact.

In an act of desperation, I sat down and began writing about having writer’s block, the result of which you are reading now. It certainly isn’t the Pulitzer Prize winner that I was anticipating, but it did occupy me until a documentary about South African Crocodiles came on the television.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can get away with writing about having writer’s block more than once with any degree of success. I guess the next time I have writer’s block you will be stuck reading about a floral print box of Kleenexes.

Publishers are just Jealous of my Skills.

I’m thinking about having another go at self-publishing. All the publishers I have submitted to just can’t seem to bring themselves to accept my genius . . . . I’m pretty sure they are all jealous of my skills . . . 

No, I really don’t think that. 

My stories are an odd humor. And although they may be entertaining to some (a very few some), I know there are some rough spots to the writing. I don’t see a publisher wanting to take a chance on my stories, so I may have another go at self-publishing. 

I’ve published two different story collections in the past. I didn’t quite make the Best Sellers list, but I was happy that there were a few people, who weren’t my friends or family, who actually enjoyed the books. I carried a 4.5 star rating on Amazon out of about forty reviews, not to mention I made dozens of dollars.

I think I may pick some of my favorite stories (I have around 120 or so to choose from) and re-work them a bit. Then put them in a sort of greatest hits of sorts.

Anyhow, those are my thoughts for this moment. Has anyone out there done any self-publishing? Any success? 

Authors?

Are there any author hopefuls out there? Writer wannabes like myself? I found a website called Authonomy. It is owned by the publisher Harper Collins. 

https://www.authonomy.com

Authonomy offers a place to upload your book, or even a work in progress. Other members can then read and rate your work . . . A lot like many other author websites. The difference, however, is that Authonomy is owned and operated by a publisher, and apparently there is a potential to have your book noticed and published by Harper Collins.

I’m new to the site (blunderdad is my user name if you want to read and leave a review stating that my writing some of the greatest literature that can be found on the planet). Activity on the site is a little slow, but it’s an interesting concept. 

So check it out and tell me what you think. Or maybe you have and already have an opinion.