Flattapuss Blog Picks.

I recently was nominated for my third, yes third Daydreamer Award. This nomination comes from Baffled Baboon, to whom I am grateful.

the-daydreamer-award1

I’d like to say that three nominations for the Daydreamer Award is due to my wonderfully witty and thought-provoking posts, but I fear it may be due to the obviousness of my being an airhead. Either way, it is an honor.

However, being the third nomination for this award, plus some nominations for a few other awards last month makes for a lot of award posts. They each seem to require that I nominate other blogs in the award acceptance process. So I have decided that I will start posting weekly about a blog or blogger that has caught my eye, rather than blast you with a half dozen or so all on a single award nomination post.

I don’t have a ton of time for blog surfing. But when I do have time, I end up running into a blog that catches my eye, or through comments and such have become blogging comrades with the blogger. These are the blogs that will end up getting posted about on what I am calling “Flattapuss Blog Picks” (Flattapuss is the nickname my daughter gave to our Persian cat Cee Cee who just seems to look wise . . . . and slightly ridiculous).

So this week, the Flattapuss picks are . . . . . . .

 

 Properly Ridiculous, a light-hearted blog that has more than once forced a smile upon my face, plus I am a sucker for well placed GIF’s (I think that is what you call those little moving pictures).

And also Encouraging Life, Raymond has been very helpful from time to time when the blogging process has me ready to dowse my computer with gas and light it. And I like his posts about his pet turtles . . . . I like turtles.

WordPress refuses to obey.

Why on earth will WordPress not let me double space between items on a list? When I construct my draft, I double space between each point on the list, but when I publish, the double spacing is gone. 

When I posted the poem I wrote last week, it was an absolute nightmare trying to get the lines to be spaced the way I wanted them. I would type a line and hit return, but every time I would publish, the lines would be run together. 

What is the secret? What is the password to the WordPress club? Let me in! Tell me the secret knowledge! I promise I won’t reveal the technology to any unworthy bloggers . . . . Oh, poop, maybe I am the unworthy blogger.

Poetry?

As I surf through the blogosphere, I’ve noticed there seems to be quite a few poetry blogs. I have never really given poetry much thought, but reading some of the posts on these blogs has inspired me.

So here is my first attempt at a poem other than being forced to write a haiku in sixth grade:

My Blogging Poem

I wish that I didn’t
have to work every day
I wish that my blog
would earn me my pay

I’d wake up at noon
and eat a Pop Tart
Then sit down and write
my daily brain fart

Every post that I’d write
would make people cheer
In the mail the next day
a check would appear

To realize this dream
I think that the key
is seven million readers
devoted to me

So please do your part
and insist to your friends
that they all become
my means to an end

Could this be my final post?

I finished the bowl of alphabet soup and set the empty dish on the coffee table. But as I watched the rest of my television show, I realized that I hadn’t quite reached the point where I was painfully stuffed. My stomach wasn’t packed full enough to be creaking under the strain of its contents like the hold of a wooden ship in rough seas.

In my world, this meant that I was still hungry.

I reached over and took one of the saltine crackers from the package sitting next to my empty soup bowl and ate it. It was good. Not great, but good.

A minute later, I reached over and took another cracker. This one tasted slightly better than the first.

When I finished the second cracker, I reached for another, only this time I took two crackers instead of one . . . . Just to save on having to lean forward to get a cracker again so soon.

By the time the show I was watching had ended, I was grabbing five, six, even seven crackers at a time. I had finished the package that had originally accompanied my bowl of alphabet soup, and was more than half way through a second package. I couldn’t stop eating crackers.

When I had finished the entire box of saltine crackers, I thought it was finally over. I couldn’t eat any more crackers if there were no more crackers left. . . . .

Fifteen minutes later, I was licking my lips, which were burning from the salt on the saltines I had eaten, and pulling into the parking lot of the store where I planned on buying more crackers. My cracker compulsion was out of control.

Was this how it would end? Death by crackers? I remembered hearing about a guy who died from drinking too much water too fast. If too much water could kill you, I was surely doomed. Water was most certainly more benign than saltine crackers, yet it had the power to kill. By the time I returned home from the store, I was halfway through one of the boxes of crackers I had purchased.

I was fairly certain now that I was going to die from my cracker eating. Would a cracker death be painful? I sat on the couch stuffing cracker after cracker into my mouth and tearfully writing a final goodbye letter to my wife and daughters . . . . . with cracker crumbs cascading onto the stationary causing the pen to work sporadically. How would my family get along without me? Would the blogosphere feel a void in my passing?

“He was such a promising blogger, a star that burned too brightly to last”, I imagined my own epitaph.

So I sit and write this, possibly my final post. I will miss you all if it indeed is the end. I leave you with this final word of advice . . . . If you suspect that you or a loved one is capable of a cracker binge, don’t wait until it’s too late to act. Crackers kill.

Someone likes my nonsense!

I am heaping piles of proud to be “nominated” by two different blogs for two different nominations.

The first being The Creative Blogger award (and I can’t figure out how to make the cool Creative Blogger Award logo appear in this post) from the DIY Just Cuz .These three cousins seem like a fun bunch, posting on everything from annoying co-workers to chicken recipes to cool Knick-knacks (and they like my goofy stories). Thank you ladies very much!

The second nomination is for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award, this one coming from Under and Over, Around and Through . This very amusing blog is one of the first ones I latched onto when I began blog surfing for the first time a week or so ago. Thank you for the nomination!

Apparently, being “nominated” for these prestigious major awards means that I have some work to do myself. For the Creative Blogger Award, I am to list five things about me, and secondly, both nominations require that I nominate some other blogs.

Sooooo, five things about me . . . .

1. I have previously self-published two books filled with these ridiculous stories. In spite of making dozens of dollars in royalties, I decided to “unpublish” them and start throwing my tales up on this blog.

2. I have spent the last twenty plus years making my living as either a tree trimmer or tower climber, and I have enjoyed both immensely.

3. I have been married to my high school sweetheart for twenty years now, and we have two beautiful daughters.

4. Although my stories might lead someone to believe that we are a dysfunctional disaster of a family, there is actually a lot of love and laughter within our home.

5. My other creative endeavors include cartooning, carving and making log furniture . . . all of which I can do as amateurishly as I write.

Ok, now for some blogs that have made me smile (in no particular order):

Ben’s Bitter Blog Don’t let the name fool you, this blog is very funny in it’s bitterness.

Guy Vs Life Yet another funny blog from someone with a slightly skewed view on life, a kindred spirit.

Behind the White Coat I love the way this blog is written, I wish I could write more like this.

Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings A blog not only funny to read, but always a hilarious “doodled up” photo to go along.

Wrong Hands Having tried my hand at some cartooning myself, I can’t help but like people who are much better at it than I.

And last but not least, A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself This guy is short and to the point, and always makes me laugh.

I’m supposed to notify all the blogs that I have just nominated, but being a new kid on the block I shirk my duties due to fear of being a pest to some of these seasoned bloggers . . . . Yes, I am lame.

Thank you once again to DIY Just Cuz and Under and Over, Around and Through for the nominations. I’m so glad that someone likes my nonsense!!!

More blogging frustrations from a middle-aged technophobe.

It is a glorious miracle that I can make any letters and numbers appear on the computer screen in the form of a post. I certainly couldn’t tell you how I manage to get them there.

Forget about posting those fancy links that appear as the words of my choosing instead of showing that long “http” type address thing. This capability is above my pay scale apparently.

I have managed to post a few pictures, but predicting their size and location within the post is like throwing Lawn Jarts at dog poop piles blind folded.

WordPress keeps inviting me to join a discussion group called “The Commons” but every time I try, nothing happens. Can they tell if I haven’t showered? Can they smell me through the computer screen?

And there is still a few dozen options in settings that I have no idea what they mean or what I should have them set on, even after I attempted to read the little explanations that are provided. My current method of dealing with these options is to turn it on if the name of the setting sounds like something good to eat, and leave it off if it sounds like a disease.

Luckily, my wife just happened to be pulling in the driveway as I was dragging the computer by the cord out to the place in my yard where I burn things that refuse to work properly for me, and made me take it back inside.

If you are kind enough to attempt explaining one of the items mentioned above, please realize that you are wasting your keyboard typing. You would have much better luck trying to explain these things to a brightly colored Easter egg.

BLOGGING IS NOT FOR THE FEINT OF HEART, OR THE FEEBLE MINDED.

Blogging is a complicated venture, especially for middle aged men who make their living climbing trees with a chainsaw.

Blogger or WordPress? .com or .org? HTML? RSS? Ping?

I did my best to research each option for the five minutes my brain would stay on track, but I’m still not sure if I’ve made the right choices. My research capabilities are lacking. In fact, when I was in school, I once wrote an entire research paper on Japan being the capitol of China. That fact alone makes me question the research that led me to my blogging choices.

I picked WordPress.com. It has 1.7 bazillion settings, widgets, and words made from abbreviations like HTML, which apparently is bloggerese for “writing gibberish.” RSS is something invisible that makes the electrical connections between my blog and your computer connect. I have no idea what a “ping back” is.

I tried to add a “badge” to my blog in order to secure my proud place amongst the rank and file of a blog directory. But after my usual five minutes of hardcore research I was able to conclude that the blog directory had given me an impossible task as a cruel form of rejection . . . . badges are apparently non-existent entities that in no way can be displayed on a blog.

I get post “likes” without my hit counter going up. I’m told this is because people can read my nonsensical ramblings without having to actually visit my site. How will I know if anyone is out there other than the few likes I get every once in a while?

My head hurts. I’m fetching a beer and swearing off computing for the weekend while I contemplate painting any future posts on a cave wall with paint made from my own burnt hair and Woolly Mammoth dung.

‘Til Monday 🙂

Blog Following Etiquette?

I now have a whopping 60 followers. This honestly thrills me to no end! And it seems only polite to follow-back, all those who have followed my blog, but I’m starting to see how this could get a bit crazy. 

I have only a limited time for blogging. Most of my posts are written in spare moments throughout day on the “notes” app on my phone, or are brought up from my ridiculous story vault and dusted off to be posted. So when I have a few minutes to catch up on the blogs I follow, I usually just go to Reader and scroll through “blogs I follow”. But the more blogs I follow, the less I see of the blogs that I truly enjoy. 

I really have no interest in a blog devoted to knitting mittens out of yak’s hair. . . . Even though the blog may be very well put together and more than effectively covers the world of yak hair knitting. Yet, it seems only courteous to follow such a blog if they were kind enough to follow mine.

How do the mega-bloggers handle this issue? Do they follow all fifteen thousand bloggers who follow their site? How do they keep up with the blogs that they truly enjoy? Or do they not follow everyone automatically?

I have a great fear of being impolite to people, but I’m already losing posts from the blogs I like to the barrage of posts in my Reader . . . . And I really don’t have that many followers!