The Nerve of some Bloggers (blogging paranoia)

Phone lights up telling me I have a WordPress notification.

(Hopeful wonder)

A new follower! 

(Exuberance)

Blurmuth6650 . . . . What kind of name is that? Just doesn’t sound like someone who would follow a blog like mine. . . . But beggars can’t be choosers.

(Wonder)

So is Blurmuth one of those bloggers with 10,000 followers who is just looking to add to his ginormous follower army? Is this how he got his 10,000 followers? Follow en mass and collect the follow-backs? A purely self-serving following? 

(Annoyance)

Or is Blurmuth a new blogger hoping to scrounge a fourth follower? Too lazy to get out there and blog an earning of followers like the rest of us?

(Arrogance and disgust sprinkled with bits of ego)

I’ll bet Blurmuth didn’t even read a single post!

(Indignant anger)

Hmmmmm. . . The Speakings of Blurmuth . . . An ok blog title but nothing overly impressive. Looks like Blurmuth likes to post about politics and NASCAR. What would make Blurmuth follow a blog like mine? I see he has 347 followers. . . That’s more than me . . . . I’ll bet I deserve 347 followers more than Blurmuth does. I just know Blurmuth is up to some sort of blogging nefariousness.

(Dismissal of the following as not genuine)

I have better things to do than engage with a blogger named Blurmuth who only follows other blogs out of pure Narcissism.

I’ll not even dignify Blurmuth with  the response of a follow-back. I’m going blog surfing elsewhere.

(Changing of blogging gears)

I’ll just browse through Reader and find a more worthwhile blog . . . . Like this one right here . . . Looks like a “Mom Blog”. . . . Mom Blogs can’t resist my excellent family humor. . . . And Wow, this Mom Blogger has 13,900 followers! A mention or acknowledgement from this blog would catapult my blog into the blogosphere!

I’m sure this Mom blog has interesting posts. I’m sure I would really like it if I had time to read one of the posts . . . . But I have other pressing blogging business to attend to. I’ll come back later and confirm that I do in fact like this Mom Blog.

(Click of the mouse)

There! I followed. Time to blog on.

This following better produce some followers of my own. I’ll bet that Mom won’t even check out my blog. She’s probably one of those “I’m too good to respond to the kind gesture of a follow by following back”.

She’ll probably assume I just followed her to serve my own blogging promotion instead of the fact that maybe I actually like the things that she posts . . . . Which I will confirm when I return some day when I have more time and actually read one of the posts.

It’s people like this Mom . . . . And Blurmuth that give bloggers a bad name. . . . . Ohhhhhhhh a Dad Blog! Dad bloggers just love my writing style! Wow, he’s got 5400 followers. . . . 

(Click of the mouse)

Big clumsy Fingers

I have big clumsy fingers. They don’t always work well with phone apps.

With the WordPress app, I find myself accidentally hitting things that I wasn’t intending on hitting.

One such thing is the “follow” button that is all too close to the link that takes me to the blog I am trying to get to. I end up “unfollowing” by mistake. Then I have to decide if it will cause more damage to leave the blog unfollowed and hope the blogger doesn’t notice, or re-follow causing a notification to pop up and most certainly making the blog owner wonder what kind of shenanigans I am up to.

I end up liking a lot of my own posts as well. I would never do this intentionally . . . . It just seems vain. But it happens when my bullish fingers go wandering through the china shop of the WordPress app.

The Worpress app has a lag that causes me problems as well. I’ll hit “like” on a particular post, and it takes several seconds for the little star to change colors. I get impatient and hit the “like” again. The little star finally changes color but then immediately back to it’s original color because I hit the like button twice. I have repeated this scenario up to ten times . . . Sending ten notifications to a blogger that I liked their post. . . . . ten times.

Again, I’m sure they are wondering what sort of shenanigans I am up to.

I’m Not One of Those Bloggers.

I see it all the time. The owner of a blog or Facebook page that was actually worth reading will get published or will self publish, which is what I did with my book Single Family Asylum, and then suddenly their blog or page becomes one big advertisement for their book.

I (author of Single Family Asylum) am just not going to be that blogger. I think that I have already made it clear that my book, Single Family Asylum, is available on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and I’m going to leave it at that rather than continually shoving the fact that my book, Single Family Asylum, is on Amazon ( Single Family Asylum ) and ready for you to purchase it (from Amazon)(Single Family Asylum).

To me, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum, this is nothing short of vanity. It is certainly not something I would write about in my Amazon book Single Family Asylum. And you (the potential purchaser of Single Family Asylum) would never catch me taking some cheesy selfie posing like an author (even though I actually am Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum) with reading glasses on my nose as an author prop, Single Family Asylum  and a computer in the background to suggest that I had just finished writing my book Single Family Asylum.

So fear not Single Family Asylum my faithful readers of the Single Family Asylum blog which is also now available in book form here: Single Family Asylum . I will never Single Family Asylum ever stoop Single Family Asylum  so low Single Family Asylum as to turn my blog Single Family Asylum into a shameless Single Family Asylum promotional site Single Family Asylum.

But just Single Family Asylum in case Single Family Asylum you missed Single Family Asylum my previous Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum posts announcing Single Family Asylum the availability of Single Family Asylum the book (Single Family Asylum ), my book Single Family Asylum >***Single Family Asylum***> can be purchased by you Single Family Asylum Single Family Asylum  Single Family Asylum here Single Family Asylum on Single Family Asylum Amazon Single Family Asylum : Single Family Asylum.

Sincerely, Jon Ziegler author of Single Family Asylum

Thank you!

I want to sincerely thank all of you who stick around and read my nonsense. I feel so bad that I just can’t find time to visit all of your blogs more often. Summer is such a busy time at work for me, and the few hours I have to devote to creative persuits has to be divided between blogging, cartooning, and carving log furniture.

I wish I could have one whole day a week to devote to blogging and actually put effort into promoting my own, but congress has turned a deaf ear to my 8 day week lobbying efforts.

Thank you all very much! 

Here are a few photos of my other projects:

   
   

I’m really not worried about this Blog.

I checked my blog stats and set my phone on the coffee table. I had started my blog for fun, and I am not all that worried about how many people read it.

I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars. Well, actually my wife was watching Dancing with the Stars, I just happened to be in the same room.

I check my blog stats again which is odd because I started my blog for fun, and I’m not all that worried about how many people read it. 

Nothing had changed in the two minutes since I had last checked my stats. I set the phone back on the coffee table.

My eyes were getting heavy and I was just about to fade into my Dancing with the Stars nap when my phone lit up with some sort of a notification. I couldn’t quite tell if it was a WordPress icon that was showing on the screen.

Instinctively I started to reach for the phone to see what the notification was, but then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for fun and I’m NOT all that worried about how many people read it. I can check it later. I went back to watching Dancing with the Stars.

My mind drifted. I thought about my blog post from yesterday, a post that I was particularly proud of. Who in the world wouldn’t want to follow a blog that offered posts such as the one I had created yesterday? And besides, I had included some new strategic tag words that were sure to attract a whole new demographic of reader.

It occurred to me that I was fretting over my blog again. . . . A blog that I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it.

“Stop it! Just stop it” I thought to myself.

“Stop what?” My wife asked. 

Apparently I had also said it out loud.

“Are you obsessing about that blog again?” My wife added.

“NO! I started that blog for fun and I’m not all that worried about who reads it.”

Just then, the commercial with Jake from State Farm came on the television. I waited with baited breath for him to say “kakis” so I could laugh for the hundredth time and my wife could roll her eyes about me still laughing at a commercial I had seen a hundred times.

Right on cue, Jake said “kakis” and I started giggling.

“She sounds hideous”

I laughed even harder as I reached for my phone . . . . . But then stopped mid-reach. I remembered that I wasn’t checking my stats because I had started my blog for fun and I wasn’t all that worried about how many people read it. 

I sat motionless . . . . My hand was partially outstretched towards the place where my phone sat on the coffee table. I hated the thought of obsessing over something, especially my blog which I had started for fun and wasn’t all that worried how many people read it.  

As I sat with my arm still partially outstretched, my phone lit up again. . . . Only this time, my slightly more-forward posture allowed me to see that indeed it was a WordPress notification.

My eyes widened.

That made one WordPress notification for sure, and the possibility existed that the first time my phone lit up might be another WordPress notification. I stared at my blog checker . . . I mean my phone. It smoldered with the prospect of blogging fame and fortune.

My hand moved ever so slightly closer to the coffee table. But then I stopped and reminded myself that I had started my blog for . . . . OH SCREW IT! I grabbed the phone. I had to know.

It might be a notification telling me that I have a new follower! Maybe two new followers! 

Maybe it was a blog award notification!! Who knows, it could be a notification telling me that Ellen Degeneres had mentioned my blog on her show and i was in the midst of a new follower tidal wave! 

MAYBE MY BLOG WAS JUST NOMINATED FOR THE NOBEL PRIZE!!!!!!!!

Frantically, I unlocked my screen. The little red circle told me that I had one new WordPress notification (sigh, I was hoping for two or more). I opened the WordPress app to find that someone had liked my comment that I had made made in response to their comment.

“Sigh. . . ”

“People liking my comment is a good thing,” I told myself . . . . Of course having Ellen Degeneres mention my blog on her show or winning the Nobel prize is much better . . . . . 

Fortunately, I had started my blog for fun and was not all that worried about how many people read it. Otherwise, I might be constantly checking my blog stats and worrying about my blog.

Flattapuss Blog Picks.

Each Week, I consult with my cat Cee-Cee (Flattapuss) and we decide on a few blogs to throw out for your consideration. Some I just stumble upon, while others have actually found my blog which then lead me to their own site.

This week’s Flattapuss Blog Picks are:

Problems with Infinity caught my eye and soon had me chuckling as I read through a few posts.

Crusty Pie takes old black and white photos and captions them . . . . Quite well, might I add.

Mom of 1 and 10 who’s stories remind me of way back when my own girls were just little persons.

And finally there is Fear of the Reaper who never fails to make me smile when I visit.

Check them out and give them a like or a follow if they scratch your itch!

 

WordPress mobile app makes me want to bite my phone sometimes. 

Is it just me, or is the WordPress mobile app quirky and unruly? I mean I know that my level of tech savvy is slightly lower than that of a large pile of gravel (I could make a typewriter crash in high school typing class long before computers took over the role of my victim), but my level of frustration with this app seems even higher than my normal level of angst.

The mobile app constantly refuses to obey my spacing commands while drafting a post. Sometimes the draft doesn’t even match the published post, making me think I’ve become delusional, or more delusional than normal.

Sometimes when I hit the little “follow” under a bloggers name, it turns to “following” for one second, and then returns to “follow” . . . . I played this game for ten minutes one time before deciding that it just wasn’t in WordPress’s will for me to follow the particular blog.

The typing of posts seems more glitchy than typing texts or any other typing I do in other apps . . . Or maybe my frustration with the WordPress app causes my thumbs to swell?

And as far as WordPress in general, I originally couldn’t figure out how I could end up with more likes than views on a post. I was then told that when posts are read in the Reader, they do not show up on a hit counter . . . . So what in the actual $?@! is a hit counter for? It’s more like a “some of your hits” counter. I don’t have what I would call a mass following, so I value seeing all those views lost to Reader. Is this some way to cheat people who have ads enabled out of money?

And while I’m in rant mode, why doesn’t WordPress send me a free Tshirt that says, “Born to Blog”, or a coffee mug? Why don’t they file my taxes and scoop up the dog poop in my yard? 

WORDPRESS!!!! WHY DON’T YOU STOP WORLD HUNGER, WAR, AND JUSTIN BIEBER ROASTS????!

. . . . Ok, maybe I’m getting a little carried away. That’s why I tend to avoid ranting posts.

Flattapuss Blog Picks.

Each Week I post a few blogs that have caught my interest while surfing the Blogosphere, or by bloggers who have visited my own humble site.

This weeks Flattapuss blog picks:

First off, the blogs of a few people I actually know outside the computer world:

The Seekers Of
I am Phil Owen

And now some people I’ve met in the Blogosphere:

My Friday Blog
Guy vs Life
Edwina’s Episodes
Saneteachers

Check out these blogs and give them a follow if they fit your blogging fancy!

The State of the Blog Address.

I am almost two whole months into this world of blogging, and I am really happy with the way things seem to be going. 

I had previously tried putting my ridiculous stories on a Facebook page (one other than the one that mirrors my blog) and I just didn’t like the feel of it. People seemed more snarky and critical. People had a tendency to take me too seriously. For some reason, the blogging community seems to be more civil.

I am also thrilled that there are some of you out there with minds that slant in the same basic direction as mine, and I am grateful for all of you who read my absurdities. 

Thank you!

I feel bad that I can’t seem to find the time to visit your blogs as much as I would like. I almost can’t keep up with responding to comments on my own posts.

As a 46 year old who climbs trees for a living, I often spend my evenings in a fetal position on the couch whimpering like a beaten puppy. Or some nights, I fall asleep before I can even finish dinner, resulting in my waking up the next morning with a half eaten piece of pizza still hanging out of my mouth.

I need to slow down a bit on posting so that I can spend more of my limited time surfing other blogs. But being an impulsive person, when I have an idea, I just can’t wait to get it typed and posted. 

I’m sure as time goes on, I will find ways to work blogging into my schedule more efficiently.

Thank you all for making this a truly enjoyable experience so far!