There are three rules for keeping my phone out of the toilet. I only need to use one of them.
1. Stop using the toilet.
2. Stop wearing hoodies.
3. Stop putting my phone in my hoodie pocket when going to the bathroom.
I tried rule number one and only made it for half a day. Number two is out of the question because hoodies are my thing. And I keep forgetting to observe rule three. . . . Luckily, this time my phone fell outside the bowl instead of in after bouncing around the rim.
Have you ever gone to a party and had to go to the bathroom (the kind that involves sitting down for both male and female) but after you had finished you suddenly realized that there was no toilet paper hanging from the hanger so instead of yelling, “can someone get me some toilet paper!?” like you normally would yell at home because you are too embarrassed to do so in a house full of people that you don’t know very well so you decide to try discreetly calling your friend who is hosting the party on the phone from the bathroom to ask if he could get you some tissue, but he won’t answer his phone so you leave him a nasty voice mail concerning his attention to party preparation details and then you decide that your only option is to do that “waddle” around the bathroom rummaging through cabinets and drawers in search of a roll, but all you can find is a large box of Q-tips?
It has never happened to me either, but if it had . . . . I could assure you that it takes a huge amount of time and Q-tips to properly finish your business.
How long will a wet, naked child stand in the shower screaming that she once again needs someone to get her some underwear and a towel?
eighteen minutes and counting . . . .
Through an advanced system of mathematics and investigational skills I have been able to determine what women do in the bathroom.
Apparently they take massive quantities of toilet paper, turn it into hair, and throw it into the shower drain.