I told my daughter that she must always treat other people with kindness and respect. She answered, “But you yelled at and threatened the cable guy, and made him cry the last three times he was at our house!”
I told my daughter’s they must never lie. They both answered, “But you told us when we were younger, that kissing boys causes cancer.”
I told my daughter that she needs to take care of her toys, because I wasn’t going to buy her any more if they got ruined. She said, “Then how come whenever your weed whacker won’t start, you can smash it into a million pieces with a hammer and go buy a new one?”
I told my daughter’s to be wise and save their money, and not waste it on silly things. They asked me, “Then why did you spend a hundred dollars on an a Darth Vader helmet lamp, and fifty on a bass that hangs on the wall and sings ‘don’t worry, be happy’ ?”
I told my daughter she must never disrespect or talk back to her mother. She wanted to know, “So how come whenever you and mom argue, you go out to your shed where you think no one can hear you, and mumble swear words about where she can go if she wants to be like that, and where she can stick her honey-do list?”
I’m starting to get gun shy. Whenever I feel the need to lecture one of my daughters, I must first make sure there is nothing I’ve done that they can throw back in my face. Sometimes it’s just easier to tell my wife what I want to yell at them about, and have her give them my lecture . . . she seems to have less skeletons in her closet.