I hate my lawn.

I hate my lawn. 

I’ve heard other guys say that, but they were referring to the fact that their lawn wasn’t perfect. I hate my lawn because it exists.

My wife doesn’t realize it, but I don’t plant pine trees all around our property because I love pine trees. I plant pine trees all around our property because pine needles kill grass. Dead grass doesn’t need to be mowed. 

I hate mowing. Mowing is such a waste of time. Time I will never get back.

My mowing lines aren’t straight. That’s partly due to the fact that mowing is so boring. To make it funner, I pretend that my lawnmower is a getaway car and I’m being chased around the yard by the cops. 

When I get tired of running from the police, I mow all the areas left where the police didn’t chase me.

I hate weed whacking too. I hate weed whacking even more than mowing ever since the “barefoot weed whacking toe massacre” incident. Now I make sure to wear shoes.

Maybe I’ll like my lawn more when I retire. Maybe then I will actually like time spent mowing. But until then . . . . I hate my lawn.

17 thoughts on “I hate my lawn.

  1. haha we retired and bought a robot lawn mower. No more lawn mowing! It’s fantastic – best boys toy ever. It mows in the dark, it mows in the rain and it mows while we are away overseas or just sitting on the deck drinking wine. You need one!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Years ago when I had a small back the size of a postage stamp. I too hated to mow the law. It seemed like such a waste of water and time mowing. So I ripped it out and bought dichondra seeds and planted a dichondra grass. It was always my favorite, because it never needs mowing and looks beautiful. Just a suggestion.
    Shine On

    Liked by 2 people

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