Car designers must all be barren and without children.

There is no other conclusion I can come up with other than car designers must not have any children of their own . . . . not even one.  If they did have children, if even one car designer had one child, there would not be a large food-snotty Kleenex-sticky half eaten sucker-live amphibian-half full can of soda pocket on the back of each of the front seats . . . . Just begging for a three year old to stuff it with something that is destined to rot, stain, stick, or crawl inside of it.

I find it extremely hard to believe that not a single car designer that has children has never thought of including one of those divider bullet proof windows like taxis have to protect the driver/parent from flying food, Happy Meal toys, sippy cups and the inevitable ripping out of their hair by a car seat escapee.

So if there really is a car designer out there that actually has a child, maybe you can explain this to me: why on earth would you put a timer on the car’s dome light that makes it stay on for half a minute after I close the door? I can think of no practical use for that extra thirty seconds of light. But worse yet, there is no way with children that I can just walk away and assume that one of my girls didn’t turn on one of the interior lights, or left a door ajar . . . . . So I stand and wait for half a minute in the seven degree, thirty mile an hour winter night time wind and watch to make sure the light actually does go out.

Now none of this waiting in the freezing cold dark for a light to go off would even be necessary if you were Renaissance enough to take that same light timer technology and apply it to turning off a dome light that had been accidently left on. All it would have to do is turn off any light that had been on longer than a fifteen minute time period. But no, I stand and wait and shiver, or I take the chance that a light left on will burn all night and drain my battery, rendering it useless by morning.

Am I being unreasonable? I’m a tree trimmer, but I think I could do a better job of designing a kid friendly car!

The back seats would have no cracks and crevices that can swallow an entire large size French fry, leaving no trace other than the ketchup skid marks made by the condiment soaked fries as they slid into oblivion.

There wouldn’t be a stitch of cloth, carpeting, or any other material that couldn’t withstand a constant flow of soda, snot, vomit, melted ice cream, and any poop that had escaped the confines of the diaper that it had been birthed into.

And no back windows. Children don’t need windows. They just end up being impossible to actually see through due to the layers of fingerprints and yogurt smears. Besides, we just end up buying one of those suction cup window shades and covering Themis anyhow to keep our darling cherubs from sizzling like bacon in the window magnified sun light.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just being whiner. But to find out if it’s just me, I suggest that one of these fancy car designers volunteers to drive my girls around for a week or so. Then we’ll see if there are any  child friendly design changes worked into the next years cars or not.

13 thoughts on “Car designers must all be barren and without children.

  1. Instead of bullet-proof, I have often desired a sound-proof pane of glass as a divider. I think that would be quite nice. 🙂

    Maybe the car designers put the delay there so that when you got *in* the car at night, you could see where everything is? Like the ignition, controls, etc. But then again, you could just turn on the light if necessary…..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve had a dead battery from the dome light being left on THREE times. I usually have to pee too badly from being trapped in the car for hours on end, chauffeuring kids around, to stand there waiting for the light to go off. Our parents didn’t know how good they had it, what I wouldn’t give to be able to throw my offspring in the back of a pick up truck that could easily be hosed out!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol, I can relate to the whole light situation except when I’m waiting for it to go off, it is definitely not only 30 seconds. It is at least 15 minutes. Wait there’s more. It is not even the kids that mess with mine. I do it myself for whatever reason and then I can’t remember did I shut it back off, so then I have to wait. So real man

    Liked by 1 person

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